She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize