I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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