wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
