I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
