his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
