the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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