i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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