i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
