she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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