I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize