Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
