Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize