i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
sarcasm needs its own font
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize