It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
