i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
