I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize