I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
