The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize