I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
