Banned from zoo.
Again?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
