I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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