how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
