so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
