all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
