I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
