I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
