new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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