So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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