her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
