i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
