omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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