i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
