never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
