The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
