I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
