Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
