So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
