how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize