whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
