So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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