He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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