garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
