Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think my moral compass just broke
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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