i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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