I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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