my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
