i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
