we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
