yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
