She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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