last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
