I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
