Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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