it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
