I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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