i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
