I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
