going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize