You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
