About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
