My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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