u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
