I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
is it fun? or sober?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
