Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
